When Mistakes Feel Big

Helping Your Child Learn What to Do Next

Some children can get an answer wrong, shrug, and try again. For others, one mistake can feel much bigger.

The pencil gets pushed away. The paper gets erased until there is almost a hole in it. Suddenly the problem is “stupid,” the directions make no sense, and your child is done.

As a parent, it can be tempting to jump in, to explain, correct, reassure, or make the frustration disappear. But what if the struggle itself is part of the learning?

Struggle Does Not Always Mean Something Has Gone Wrong

At Extraordinary Adventures Academy, we believe productive struggle has value. A wrong answer, an idea that does not work, or a first (second, third, fourth, etc.) attempt that falls short can give a Learner important information.

The goal is not to make every mistake feel good. Getting something wrong can be disappointing. Starting over can be frustrating. Instead, we want Learners to begin believing:

“I don’t like getting this wrong, but I can figure out what to do next.”

Resist the Urge to Rescue

When a child is frustrated, adults often see a problem they can solve quickly. We know the answer. We can explain the directions. We can show them exactly what to do.

But when we immediately step in, we may unintentionally take away the very opportunity our child needs: the chance to discover that they are capable of moving forward.

Instead of solving the problem, try returning ownership with a question:

• What happened?

• Where do you think it went off track?

• What did you learn from that attempt?

• What could you try next?

• What tool or resource could help you?

• What haven’t you tried yet?

These questions do something important: they keep the child in the driver’s seat.

The Mistake May Not Be the Real Problem

Sometimes a wrong answer feels like more than a wrong answer. A child may quietly be telling themselves:

“I’m not good at this.”

“Everyone else knows how to do this.”

“If I try again, I might get it wrong again.”

When that happens, avoiding another attempt can feel safer than risking another mistake. We do not have to talk them out of every uncomfortable feeling. We can acknowledge the frustration while still communicating confidence in their ability to work through it.

“That looks frustrating. What do you think your next step could be?”

Give Them Room to Figure It Out

A Learner may discover they need another resource, a different strategy, feedback, clarification, or a question from a Guide. Other times, what they need most is simply enough space to struggle productively and try again.

At EAA, Guides are not there to rescue Learners from every wrong answer or unsuccessful attempt. We aim to equip Learners to recognize what is within their control, evaluate what happened, and decide what to do next.

Research on metacognition and self-regulated learning similarly emphasizes helping students think about how they approach a task, notice whether a strategy is working, and adjust when needed. Over time, those habits can support greater independence.

What This Can Look Like at Home

The next time your child gets something wrong, you do not have to rush in and erase the mistake for them. You also do not have to convince them that mistakes are fun.

You can simply stay curious, resist taking ownership of the problem, and communicate confidence that they are capable of finding the next step.

Try asking: “What do you think that mistake is telling you?”

Then give them a little room to think.

The goal is not a child who never gets frustrated. It is a young person who increasingly knows what to do when frustration shows up.

Sometimes the mistake is exactly where the next step begins.

Learn More About EAA

If you’re curious about Extraordinary Adventures Academy and our Learner-driven approach, learn more through our Parent Info Session, EAA Community, and Learning Design resources.

After attending a Parent Info Session, families may request up to two trial days for their child.

References

Education Endowment Foundation. (2025). Metacognition and Self-Regulated Learning.

American Psychological Association. (2025). What to Do When Mistakes Make You Quake: A Kid’s Guide to Accepting Imperfection.