What Parents Wish They Knew Before Choosing a School

The questions that matter most.

If you’re comparing schools right now, you’re probably swimming in numbers, slogans, and opinions. Here’s a calm truth: great school decisions start with alignment, not hype.

Alignment means your child’s needs and your family’s values match how a school teaches, treats kids, and measures growth.

Problem: We shop for schools like products

It’s natural to focus on test scores, rankings, or a friend’s recommendation. But those don’t tell you how your child will feel day to day—or how they’ll grow over time. Many parents tell us, “I wish I’d asked better questions sooner.”

Myth: “Top test scores = best fit”

Scores can be one data point, but by themselves they can hide the things that matter most: agency, belonging, curiosity, and steady progress. Research consistently finds that students learn more deeply when they have meaningful choices in their work (student agency), tackle real problems (project-based learning), and receive right-sized, purposeful homework. International Baccalaureate®+2PMC+2

• Agency: When students have a say in goals, methods, and reflection, attendance and mastery improve. PMC

• Project-based learning: Meta-analyses find positive effects on achievement, thinking skills, and creativity. PMC+2repository.usfca.edu+2

• Homework: Benefits depend on quality and age; “more” isn’t always “better.” Purposeful, well-designed homework helps—busywork doesn’t.

  
  

Motivation also matters. Intrinsic motivation—doing meaningful work because it’s interesting and challenging—beats carrots and sticks over time. And mindsets about growth (not just “being smart”) shape how students respond to challenge.

Finally, today’s childhood is phone-shaped. Thoughtful, age-appropriate tech norms at school protect focus, sleep, and relationships. Scholars debate causes and solutions, but parents and schools can take commonsense steps together. jonathanhaidt.com+1

A Parent’s Alignment Checklist: The Questions That Matter Most

Bring these to any school conversation. Great schools won’t just answer—they’ll show you.

1) Values & Culture

• What does the school believe learning is for? (purpose, character, citizenship)

• How are kindness, responsibility, and respect practiced—not just posted on walls?

• How are student voices heard in shaping the community? (advisory, town halls, roles)

  Why it matters: Culture is the water your child swims in. Agency and belonging support well-being and learning. International Baccalaureate®

2) Learning Design

• How often do students learn through projects, experiments, or real audiences?

• Do students set goals, track progress, and reflect on their learning?

• What does a typical week look like for a 7-year-old vs. a 12-year-old here?

  Why it matters: PBL and reflection build deeper understanding and durable skills. PMC

3) Assessment & Feedback

• Besides tests, how do you show growth? Portfolios? Exhibitions? Rubrics?

• How often do students receive actionable feedback—and from whom (peers, mentors, teachers)?

  Why it matters: Multiple measures give a fuller picture; feedback fuels improvement. inspirasifoundation.org

4) Homework & Home–School Balance

• What’s the purpose of homework at each grade level?

• About how long should it take, on average? What if it regularly takes longer?

  Why it matters: The quality of homework matters more than quantity—especially in elementary school.

5) Motivation & Mindset

• How do teachers cultivate curiosity and persistence (grit) without pressure?

• When students struggle, what happens next—retakes, coaching, practice, reflection?

  Why it matters: Intrinsic motivation and growth mindset help kids tackle challenges with confidence.

6) Tech & Well-Being

• What are the phone/social media norms during the day?

• How do you protect sleep, attention, and in-person friendships?

  Why it matters: Reasonable limits support mental health; schools and families should set them together. jonathanhaidt.com+1

7) Support & Partnership

• How do you support different learners (advanced, emerging, 2e, ADHD, etc.)?

• What communication can parents expect (cadence, who to contact, how decisions are made)?

  Why it matters: Clear support structures and transparent communication reduce stress and build trust. inspirasifoundation.org

How to Read the Answers

• Green flags: Specific examples, student work you can see, routines that promote voice/choice, exhibitions/portfolios, right-sized homework policies, clear tech norms, and a culture where kids are known by name and story.

• Yellow flags: Vague answers (“it depends”), all-or-nothing grading, heavy nightly homework in early grades, or unclear tech expectations.

  
  

A calmer way to choose

Choosing a school isn’t about finding “the best.” It’s about finding the best fit for your child right now—with room to grow. If this lens resonates, join us to learn how EAA’s learning design centers student agency, real-world projects, and a culture of kindness and responsibility.

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